Posts Tagged ‘journey’

Our hearts natural resting place is one of unconditional love or what shamans call Munay. When we are in conflict with someone or create a position against someone a knot is created in our own heart. This knot energetically pinches the flow of love through our heart. Knots of anger, hatred, bitterness, pride, envy, superiority, arrogance, contempt, judgment or whatever is knotting up our heart is what ripples into the world. We become the perpetrators of what we are fighting against meeting anger with anger or hate with hate. The external conflict that we believe to be the fault of someone else is living somewhere within our own heart.

I discovered one such knot. Tightly woven against my mother.

As I journey into the waters of my life I am swimming in a vast open sea, moving further and further away from the shore in a series of steady, deliberate strokes. An island of sand with a single palm tree appears ahead. It offers respite. A place to pause. As I sit, dolphins appear swimming in playful circles around this small island.

This journey is a reflection of my life as I am moving further into the unknown. One such reflection of this journey is a literal move. From New York to Florida. Further and further away from the shore. I was born in New York City. I have never lived more than 50 miles from its hub. Over the past few months I have been traveling south, exploring new landscapes along the Gulf Coast. Slow and deliberate strokes.

On my last visit my mother invited me to stay with her until I find a place of my own. She extends her hand. A small island offering respite.

It has been many decades since I have lived with my mother. And I do not remember setting an intention to live with her again. Although the years have brought much healing and reconciliation to the relationship with my mother, a part of my heart has kept its distance. Holding a posture of I do not need you. My heart locked in pride and arrogance.

But now a hand is reaching out to me. And I humbly meet it with a hand of my own. As my knot unravels I see the harm my knot has perpetuated. The pain of separation this throne of arrogance has wreaked. My only action is to bow in humility for keeping my mother at a distance. For in rejecting the heart of my mother, I reject a part of every woman I know. The hearts of my sisters, my daughters and even my own.

As my heart unlocks a channel opens. A flow of love and light is felt. My heart rests in its natural state of Munay, unconditional love. Our relationship has drifted into unknown waters. How this may shape itself I do not know.

In the uncertainty of my life as I know it I am surrounded by dolphins. They are my lifeline, holding me in an unwavering circle of joy. My heart is uplifted in a desire for playfulness.

I am swimming in unknown waters. Moving further and further away from the shore.

AHO my friends! AHO!

Karen Chrappa
Author of A Structure for Spirit

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